We’ve all heard the phrase “change your thoughts, change your life.” It sounds simple—almost too simple—but it’s rooted in some of the most well-established principles of psychology and neuroscience. The way we think has a profound impact on the way we feel. Our thoughts can either fuel depression and anxiety or soothe and settle them. The key lies in becoming aware of what we’re thinking in the first place—and then learning how to shift those thoughts in a healthier direction.
In this post, we’ll explore the relationship between thoughts and feelings, how negative thoughts become automatic (and often unconscious), and what you can do to interrupt that cycle. You’ll also walk away with practical, science-backed strategies for becoming more conscious of your thinking and managing your mind more effectively.
The Thought-Feeling Connection
At the core of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is the idea that our thoughts directly influence our emotions and behaviors. In other words, it’s not just what happens to us that determines how we feel—it’s what we think about what happens.
Let’s say two people make the same mistake at work. One thinks, “I’m such an idiot. I always mess things up.” The other thinks, “Everyone makes mistakes. I’ll learn from this and do better next time.” Same situation, two different thought patterns—and two very different emotional outcomes. The first person might feel shame, anxiety, or depression. The second might feel a moment of disappointment but move on with self-compassion and resilience.
This is not about “thinking positive” or denying reality. It’s about recognizing that our internal dialogue—the ongoing narrative in our heads—shapes our emotional reality in powerful ways.
How Negative Thoughts Become Automatic
If you struggle with anxiety or depression, you’ve probably noticed how quickly negative thoughts seem to arise. You might wake up already feeling heavy or overwhelmed without knowing exactly why. You might assume you’re just wired this way.
Here’s what’s really happening: over time, repeated patterns of thinking become automatic. The brain is incredibly efficient. It learns from repetition. If you’ve spent years thinking, “I’m not good enough,” or “Something bad is going to happen,” your brain gets really good at serving up those thoughts without your conscious input. These automatic negative thoughts (ANTs, as they’re often called) run like background apps on your phone—always on, always draining your energy.
Eventually, these thoughts operate below the level of conscious awareness. You don’t even realize you’re thinking them, but they’re influencing how you feel, how you act, and even how you interpret the world around you.
We Are Often Unaware of Our Thoughts
Most of our thinking is habitual, and much of it is unconscious. Research suggests we have tens of thousands of thoughts per day, but we’re only consciously aware of a small fraction of them. Our brains are constantly scanning, judging, predicting, and narrating—but we rarely step back and observe that process.
This is especially problematic when your default mental habits are negative. If you’re not aware of what you’re thinking, you have no chance of changing it. You may believe your feelings “just happen” or that your anxiety is triggered by external events alone, when in fact, there’s an entire mental story playing out behind the scenes.
Fortunately, you can learn to tune in. You can train your mind to become more conscious of your thoughts—and to question them, challenge them, and even change them.
How to Become More Aware of Your Thoughts
Awareness is the first step toward change. You can’t manage what you’re not aware of. Here are a few ways to build more conscious awareness of your thoughts:
- Mindfulness Meditation
Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention, on purpose, to the present moment without judgment. In meditation, you learn to observe your thoughts without getting caught up in them. This helps you recognize patterns over time—what kinds of thoughts you’re prone to, and how they affect your mood.
Start with just 5-10 minutes a day. Sit quietly, focus on your breath, and notice when your mind wanders. Gently bring it back. Over time, you’ll get better at noticing thoughts as they arise throughout your day.
- Journaling
Writing your thoughts down makes the unconscious conscious. Set aside a few minutes each day to write about what’s on your mind. Don’t censor yourself. Just let it flow.
Later, read back what you wrote. Look for recurring themes. Are there specific thoughts that show up again and again? What beliefs are hiding underneath your thoughts?
- Thought Logging
A thought log is a CBT tool that helps you track situations that trigger emotional reactions. You write down:
- The situation
- The emotion you felt
- The thought that went through your mind
- How strong the emotion was (0-10)
- An alternative, more balanced thought
This simple practice helps you slow down and examine the link between thoughts and feelings. Over time, you’ll start to catch your negative thoughts more quickly.
Strategies to Manage and Shift Your Thinking
Once you’ve built some awareness, the next step is learning how to manage your thoughts—especially the negative or distorted ones that drive anxiety and depression. Here are some powerful tools:
- Cognitive Restructuring
This is the heart of CBT. It’s about identifying irrational or unhelpful thoughts and replacing them with more accurate, balanced ones.
Ask yourself:
- What’s the evidence for and against this thought?
- Am I jumping to conclusions?
- What would I say to a friend who had this thought?
- Is this thought helpful or harmful?
You’re not trying to lie to yourself—you’re trying to think more clearly and realistically.
- Name the Thought Pattern
Sometimes just naming the type of distorted thought you’re having can give you some distance from it. Common cognitive distortions include:
- Catastrophizing (“This is a disaster!”)
- Black-and-white thinking (“If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure.”)
- Mind reading (“They must think I’m annoying.”)
- Personalization (“It’s all my fault.”)
Once you recognize these patterns, you’re less likely to believe them automatically.
- Create a Thought-Feeling Journal
Each day, write down one or two thoughts you had that made you feel anxious or down. Then challenge them. Ask: What’s a more compassionate or empowering version of this thought?
This practice helps retrain your brain to generate healthier thoughts over time.
- Use “If-Then” Planning
Plan ahead for the moments when your negative thoughts usually show up. For example:
- If I start thinking, “I’m not good enough,” then I will pause, take three deep breaths, and remind myself of one thing I’ve done well today.
Having a plan helps you interrupt the automatic spiral before it gains momentum.
- Practice Self-Compassion
Many negative thoughts are rooted in harsh self-judgment. Learn to speak to yourself like you would to a dear friend. That means offering kindness instead of criticism, especially when you’re struggling.
A simple practice: put your hand on your heart and say, “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of being human. May I be kind to myself in this moment.”
Final Thoughts
The way you think has a powerful impact on the way you feel. If your inner narrative is dominated by fear, judgment, and self-doubt, you will feel anxious, low, and disconnected. But your thoughts are not facts. They are not fixed. They can be observed, questioned, and changed.
Becoming more conscious of your thoughts is a skill you can build with practice. And as you do, you begin to reclaim control—not by forcing yourself to “think positive,” but by creating space for clarity, compassion, and choice.
This is not a quick fix. It’s a practice—a path. But it’s a path toward less anxiety, less depression, and a deeper sense of inner freedom.
Want to go deeper? If you’re ready to learn how to work with your thoughts in a more intentional, sustainable way, stay tuned for upcoming courses and coaching options designed specifically for busy women navigating stress, anxiety, and self-doubt.
You don’t have to do this alone—and change is absolutely possible.